Dear (Foster) Momma to a Stranger’s Child

Posted on November 13, 2013 by barrentoblessed

Dear (Foster) Momma to a Stranger’s Child,

I talk to you often in the work I do.  I hear you say, “We want to hang in there”, or “We are doing the best we can”, and even, “I don’t know if I am up for this.”  I hear these words through your shaky, weakened voices.  But, what I really hear is you saying, “I don’t want to be another mother who disregards this child”, or “If I could, I would provide this child with every ounce of my being in order to heal him or her.”

You are walking in very heavy shoes.  You are feeling as though your efforts are disregarded, don’t matter, don’t work, and will be forgotten about in the fleeting moments of a day.  I’m here to tell you, they are not.  They are not disregarded.  They do matter.  They work, and they will never be forgotten.

Dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child, you are one of the bravest mothers of all.  You’ve ventured into the murky waters of loving a child whose hurts seem like they could go on for an eternity.

You, dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child, you are a broken-hearted warrior.

You hear from others, “You are doing a good thing”, “I could never do what you do”, or “Your faith is bigger than this.”  While you hear these words of comfort and affirmation, your heart is screaming in that silent, lonely place of wondering if you really are doing a good thing, if you really should be doing what you are doing, and if your faith really is bigger than this.  You, dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child, you wonder where God is in all of the hurts put on children in His world.

You, dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child, you long for rest.  You grasp for answers, and you pray for healing.  You get angry.  You wonder why any mother would neglect, be absent, abuse, or completely disregard her child.  You wonder why you are left to pick up the pieces.

You want the Lord to step in, heal, and completely restore the broken child in your arms.  You cry and pray for this so often that it feels as though you can no longer find the words, or muster up the tears.

Dear Momma of a Stranger’s child, you were once a broken child, too.  At one time, you were lost in a world of despair.  You needed to be picked up, cleaned off, and captured by a love so strong that the greatest army could not break it.

You were worth it. You were not forgotten.  You were brought out of the darkness, and into the cleansing light.  

YOU were meant to make a difference in the world.

Dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child,  please do not give up.  You are the backbone to so many forgotten children.  You are a living example of an unconditional, incomparable type of love that is a rarity in the world we find ourselves in.

You will get hurt.  You will have many sleepless nights.  You will have some doubts, regrets, and desires for do-overs.  You will be exhausted.  You will get angry.  You may even be ignored.

But….

Your Father in Heaven sees your actions.  He sits with you in the midnight hours when the stranger’s child is raging.  He is with you when you walk out of court rooms or meetings still not knowing what the future holds for the child in your care.  He hears your pleas.  He sings over you in your fretful night’s sleep.

Dear Momma of a Stranger’s Child, do you want to know why you are probably the most important mother in this world?

Perhaps someday, the little one you are loving on, praying for, staying up all night with, advocating for, crying over, taking in or letting go, will grow up to be a Momma (or even a Daddy) to a Stranger’s Child.

Isn’t that worth it all?

Written by a dear friend and one of the Pastor's of the church we attend.

Rev. Eric D. Abel
Director of The Harbor
Bethel Baptist Church
Savannah, Ohio
October 29, 2013
Title: “I thought I was Jesus, but I realized I was Lot”
October is a time of the year where deception and trickery take center stage for the
Halloween masquerade. People of all ages dress up, and through costumes and make-up,
transform themselves from the person who they are into a fearful or funny character. While
trick-or-treating, or being at a Fall Festival is a time when the suspense of wondering who
the person “really is” wearing the costume is enjoyable, in our daily lives, the horror of not
knowing who we, or those around us really are, is a devastating trap that has the power to
wound, damage, or even destroy oneself and others.
Quoting a current foster parent, he clearly expressed the challenges his family faces and
stated the following phrase, “I thought I was Jesus, but I realized that I was Lot.” The
statement is extremely powerful, and speaks to the very heart of the challenges facing our
communities children in the care of state run agencies.
The Bible states in Genesis 18, the account of Abraham's interaction with the three heavenly
visitors. In many ways, the message recorded in this part of scripture parallels the mental
dialogue of Christians working within the Social Service arena today. The dialogue between
Abraham and the visitors quickly captures any sensitive reader's attention, and the appeal
made by Abraham, clearly echos truth for today from the past.
Within the human service arena, well intending people, some Christians, have attempted to
engage the system for the purpose of fulfilling their God given call to care for orphans and
provide a safe place for children during a time of family crisis. These Christian foster parents
do noble work and provide genuine care for the most needy of children. There service is
admirable, and, at the core is a genuine effort to thwart the consequences of sin, human
cruelty, and bureaucratic corruption. These foster parents are truly making every effort to be
like Jesus in the midst of immeasurable crisis.
Just as Abraham made an earnest attempt to delay or prevent God's righteous judgment from
falling on Sodom by bargaining with his heavenly visitors, Christians today are seeking ways
to avert the devastating effects brought on by a society who has turned its back on God, His
plan for families, and His instructions for mankind.
 Abraham asked “If there is 50 will you spare the city? If there is only 10 will you spare the
city?” and God demonstrates ever increasing grace in light of Abraham's recognition of extent
of Sodom's depravity. The parallels of this dialogue with the best intentions of Christians
working within the state controlled social service arena are clear in that there is a blatant need
for righteousness, and the overwhelming answer from society is to combat the problems of
society with the limited and diminishing resources of the world in an attempt to produce a
“civil” society. God is ignored and His blessing is rejected.
Corruption and ungodly philosophy will never produce health, safety, or peace for any child.
Jesus, the greatest teacher who ever lived, and He clearly taught about how to “rescue”
hurting children. He said in Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to Me.” As people
who are intimately involved in the service of children, the answer that Jesus gave is still the
only answer, direct the children to Jesus.
Jesus' purpose of coming to Earth was to be the atoning Sacrifice, to pay the penalty for
mankind's sin. He came to seek and to save the lost and dying people of the world. Many
well intending Christians have been ignored, and public system has been profoundly
corrupted, just like Sodom.
In the midst of the current situation facing the Child welfare system, the call of God does not
change, Christianity is a faith that must be coupled with actions, and the provision and care
for orphans and widows is the ultimate expression of Godliness. The child service system
services a tremendous need, and exposes the need for the Church to exercise its influence
and to get involved with families to practically protect and earn the right to influence society
for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Some ways that the Church can effect the lives of needy children is to be the living hands and
feet of God. The call to action, and to exercise the God given responsibility of the Church, to
take care of those in the Social Services system is to provide for the needs of the people in
the Church's community. The Church needs to be a living and giving, a growing and knowing
group of believers who live the love of Jesus in practical ways. When Jesus calls believers
to “love your neighbor”, we as Christians needs to empower our Churches to actually do just
that. Love God, and do so by loving people, especially orphans and widows.
It is time for the Church to come alive in the arena of practical care of the children, the needy,
and the elderly. The Church needs to step up.
As my dear foster parent friend stated, “I thought I was Jesus, but realized I was Lot.” In
both cases, I was exposed as putting on the mask for the moment. I thought I was being
Jesus, then it became clear, I was not impacting those around me for God's Kingdom, rather I
was being, even leading the charge toward the fate of Sodom.
The answer is never to condemn people, only God can do that, rather the answer is to turn
from society's wicked and sinful ways, to repent and call on the grace of Jesus Himself. God
is in the rescuing business. Jesus cares infinitely for the needs of Children, and we as the
Church need to take action to honor God as we purposefully engage people. God loves
people, and the Social Service System is a far cry from God.
In Conclusion, Jesus' teaching and His life demonstrate the most important actions any
person can take. Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your
soul, and with all of your strength.” He continued and said the second greatest command
is to “love your neighbor as your self.” The church is called by God to wake up and live the
gospel. Take off your masks, look around us. The field is ready, but the Christian workers
are few. In reality, the system is part of the challenge our children face, but when the people
of the Church rise up, take off their masks, and genuinely live the love of Jesus into the lives
of orphans and widows, then, our society will have reason to celebrate, and there will be no
need for costumes.

November- Adoption awareness month

November is adoption awareness month. I was given the privilege of attending a foster and adoption conference last weekend in Kettering, Ohio. A couple churches in that town put on the conference.
Being a foster and adoptive momma I truly appreciate the times when I get to be around other momma's that foster or adopt. Three of my friends from our mom's support group I attend were able to attend also. We called ourselves the "trauma mama's". For those of you that have or are in this type of ministry you understand how fitting that name is. We pour out our hearts to children that have experienced so much trauma, no fault of their own.
I wanted to share some things that I took away from the conference. I appreciated how the keynote speaker, the worship, the break out sessions, etc... all pointed us back to Christ. He is the reason we do this ministry.
The keynote speaker shared with us that the children in our home are called to be the sons and daughters of the most high. We need to help them come to full adoption through Jesus Christ.
 We need to all pray for our children more.
Statistics from the conference said that there are currently 2,655 children waiting to be adopted in the state of Ohio. If you think about it there are more than 2,655 churches in the state of Ohio. I know in Ashland county alone there are around 120 churches. Therefore if one family from each church would open their hearts and home up to these orphans the state of Ohio would have no children waiting to be adopted. That number seems large at first but when you break it down it really is doable. It takes the body of Christ stepping up and being the hands and feet of Jesus. It takes others who are unable to adopt to fully support and encourage those who are. It was mentioned at the conference that we're not looking for more pictures of orphans on people's refrigerator's but orphans eating out of people's refrigerator's.
The quote that stood out to me the most and encouraged my heartstrings was the saying, "It's not about living happily ever after, but faithfully ever after." I pray that when it's all said and done that can be said about me and my loved ones.

Going to bat!

Wednesday morning I had an important meeting I needed to attend concerning our foster daughter. Honestly I was not looking forward to this meeting but I knew it was necessary to go to support our foster daughter and what was in her best interest. Nick and I are huge advocates for getting as much help as possible for children as they stay in our home. That may be through medical appointments, counseling, clothing, educational assistance, etc... We speak up for them and push for decisions to be made in the child's best interest. They need a voice and for whatever length of time they stay with us we go to bat for them. So why would this meeting be any different, right? Very thankful to say our county's children service department handled the meeting very professionally but as I sat across the table from a birth parent and heard accusation after accusation against me with no evidence to prove anything I am so thankful for a heavenly Father who calms my emotions and speaks through me. I said very little but what I did say I meant and was direct, but kind also. I am not here to tear anybody up but you better believe I will stand up for what is right. I've learned through this ministry and life as I grow older and grow in my walk with the Lord that sometimes the fewer words said can be best. To make those words really count and not to back down from what you believe in. Right is right and wrong is wrong and there is NO gray area. As I left the meeting and headed back to work subbing at the school the Lord put a word picture in my mind of what it was like for Him when He went to bat for me and suffered and went to the cross and took my place even though He was innocent. Wow! Thankful that my Savior gets what I'm going through and walks right beside me through this journey of life. Of course my situation is nothing in comparison to what Jesus went through but still thankful He gets me and truly understands how I feel.

Please be in prayer for our ministry as we begin taping this Saturday for a dvd that will be given to churches to share with their congregations on orphan Sunday in November. The need for foster families is great and we need the body of Christ to go to bat for these kids. This dvd will hopefully help to answer questions and point people to ways they can get involved. Very thankful for the churches and families that are involved in helping to make this dvd happen.

Our last support meeting was a success and the adults enjoyed the fellowship with one another as the children laughed and played together. We plan to do our October/November meeting combined with a family style dinner with our families. Please pray as we try to reach and encourage more families to get involved with the support meetings.

Thanks for taking time to read our blogs and pray for our family and ministry. You are a part of this ministry too and your prayers are changing lives. God bless you all!:0)

Update on FRAME

It's been awhile since we've posted a blog. The kids are back to school now and summer has come and gone way too fast. Thankful though for the fun times and memories made this past summer. Hard to believe another school year has come. With 2 freshmen, 1 6^th grader, 1 3^rd and a kindergartener our household stays interesting to say the least. Looking forward to another great year of school and thankful for the great school system our kids are blessed to attend.

A lot of activities have been going on with our FRAME ministry.

FRAME is actively supporting Ashland county with leading a support group for foster and adoptive families. Our next one is Saturday, September 7^th at our place. Cook out at 5pm and meeting at 6pm. Looking forward to a great time.

We had the opportunity to get word out about FRAME at our schools first day celebration at their community tables outreach. Our neighboring county, Richland, is interested also in FRAME's involvement in their county. That is something we're still discussing and need to pray about.

We continue to work alongside our county, Ashland, to help encourage current foster and adoptive families and to help recruit new families. We've been invited to display our FRAME materials at Ashland county children service's booth at our county fair that is coming up in mid September. There are over 80 children in care in Ashland county and only 8 foster homes. The need is great!

Well there is a little update on what is going on with the ministry. Please continue to pray for our family as we serve the Lord through FRAME and for protection for us from the evil one. Thankfully greater is He that is in me than he that is in this world.

Just say Jesus!

Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord is the One who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Wow! What a verse. So thankful to my sis for giving me this verse this past week as our family went through a spiritual battle with our ministry.

I share our experiences with you not to bring praise to us in anyway but to encourage you along your journey and to point you to the One who deserves all our praise.

Friday evening at our home turned out to be an evening we'll probably never forget. What seemed like a normal day changed into something that changed things in our household forever. Something happened involving the children we foster. Something that we could've not predicted or expected would happen. So here we go into battle once again. Our household was a mess and there was an endless supply of tears from most of our eyes. Everything seemed to be falling apart before our eyes and all we could do was try to breathe and cry out to God in whatever few words we could get out. During this struggle our oldest son was in his room reading his Bible. He came upstairs to show me the passage he was reading and he wanted me to read it. Wow! God using my 11 year old son to encourage my heart. As the weekend went on we had numerous people praying for our family and we were ready for Monday to come to try to figure everything out that was going on. My flesh was weak, mad, frusterated, angry, hurt, etc... but thankfully we serve a Savior who never leaves us or forsakes us. Even in our darkest hours He is the light that gets us through. My sister also sent me a song called, “Just say Jesus.” Wow, once again. Part of the song goes, “when you don't know what to say, just say Jesus. There is power in His name, the name of Jesus.” There were points this weekend when all I could get the words to say was Jesus and through that song it encouraged me that saying Jesus was enough. It was ok that I didn't have the right words to pray or that I felt like my heart was torn from my chest. Just say Jesus!

Monday morning, the day we were waiting for. The day we were hoping for to straighten up all this madness. Before my meeting I prayed the verse my sister gave me, that I wrote at the beginning of this post. I claimed it going into my meeting and wrote it on an index card and took it with me to my meeting. Once again all I can say is WOW! God did exactly that. He went before me to my meeting and worked out all the details. When I would start to feel anxious or fearful He would remind me of His Word and as I prayed for help He calmed my anxious heart. Things are better here at our home now but the sad thing is though that no matter the outcome people got hurt. We live in a fallen world and sin happens and people suffer and hurt. I hate that but am thankful God does not leave us there but comes alongside of us and delivers us and brings us to sweet fellowship with Him. He goes before us and protects us from the evil one. Please continue to pray for our family as we serve the Lord in this ministry. Please pray for our protection from the evil one and please pray we would be a shining light for Jesus Christ!

What hinders me?

What hinders me from helping the fatherless, the orphan or the least of these? Could it be the cost financially, what my family and friends think, the time it takes, my job and or my selfish pride? Do these things really hold me back or are they just excuses? Let us talk through these ideas.

Point one: The financial cost to myself and my family. I barely can make it now so how am I going to feed another kid or even several kids? Also, what if the kid gets sick? There will be more doctor bills and medicine bills. Remember I said we're just barely making it now. The answer is the kids in the system have a medical card, no cost to you. The government also pays for their room and board which is enough to cover their needs.

Point two: What will my family and friends think? They mostly tell you and others how great you are to help a kid or kids. Often unfortunately in the same breath some people will also say how crazy you are. Do you know all the problems these children come from? Do you know it will affect your kids? Yes I do know and my kids are better for helping other kids. Some will even say, ”they're not your own kids, how can you love them?” You can and will also start to understand the mystery of God's love.

Point three: The time it takes. It does take a lot of time. Maybe hours up at night, in hospitals or even with the police. But anything of value doesn't come easy. It's worth fighting for. When your old or on your death bed you will not long for more days at work or stuff but you'll long for more time with your family and friends. Wishing you gave more to help others. Even wishing you could have done more with and for others.

Point four: My job, is for what? Are you working just to make more and more money for toys, trips and stuff? My job is for paying my bills so I can take care of my family and help as many others as possible. By helping others you will be punished, harassed and lose out on job opportunities. I've lived it, why? I'm open about what and why I do to help others. Even saying, ”I'm just here for a paycheck,” or “I'm just here short term, maybe 20-30 years or until I can help children full time.” This will be perceived as not being a team player, oh well. I work for the Lord and me and my house will serve Him.

Point five: My selfish pride holding me back. Well if you haven't picked up on it yet from reading let me explain. Point 1: Cost to me. Point 2 :What people think about me. Point 3: It takes my time. Point 4: I'm harassed at work. Point 5: My selfish pride, because it affects me.

It comes down to a three legged stool. 1^st leg is food and water. 2^nd leg is shelter and clothing and the 3^rd leg is time and attention. After these 3 legs you can sit upon a top or a relationship. What holds it together? Love, trust and open communication. Also along the way if they get sick you take them to see a doctor. Where do I get these ideas? It's what I do for my dog. So why can't I do this for a kid? More importantly over 90% of the world believes in a God. Don't call them kids but a soul. Something of value that will have to be answered for someday.

My final thought is a short story I wrote called Consider Me. “Child born. Needs home. Adopt me!” These are some thoughts and my heart. A local foster and adoptive parent, local missionary of F.R.A.M.E. And child of God. Nicholas J. Stuart