Expectations!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a foster & adoptive momma's retreat at Beulah Beach in Vermilion, Ohio. To describe this weekend as amazing would be an understatement. In order to fully grasp the magnitude of the weekend, you had to be there.
 Some of my favorite times during the weekend were when around 100 of us momma's were in a room together singing praise & worship songs to Jesus with freedom to fully surrender ourselves, our agendas & not care if someone raised their hands, danced, sat in awe of their Creator or whatever else they chose to do. It was like we were before the throne of God in that very room. Probably one of the closest feelings to what Heaven will be like that I've ever experienced. Another one of my favorite things was walking by the water & breathing in God's beautiful Creation. The wind blowing a cool breeze, the sun shining down on us & the sound of the waves hitting against the rocks by the shore. Relaxing to say the least.
We were challenged throughout the weekend through different speakers. Our main speaker, Beth Guckenberger, shared something that really stood out to me & made a huge impact in my life. She said, "Expectations are premeditated assumptions." It's always a privilege to go away for a retreat & be challenged to be the woman, wife & momma God has called me to be, but sometimes it can be hard adjusting back into reality. Us momma's were on cloud 9 this weekend, but our families back home were having a normal weekend like any other. They didn't sit under the worship we did or hear the teachings we heard. We needed to be careful not to return home & expect things from our families that were unrealistic. Now I will say my hubby is amazing at giving me the freedom to go away, relax & do what I need to do to be the woman, wife & momma God has called me to be. He never makes me feel guilty while I am away & he runs our house like a well oiled ship in my absence. Our daughter, Sarah, could also run the house from top to bottom in my absence & does an outstanding job at it. She's going to be a wonderful wife & mother someday, Lord willing. But even with my crew being in full support of me going away they did not experience the same weekend I did & I needed to be careful not to come home & vomit(share what I learned) all over them all at once. I learned it in stages & I've learned it is best if I share it in stages to my people.
So going home I changed my mindset in the way I would normally think about things heading home from my time away. Instead of dwelling on if the house would be clean, if they started a new project or if they would understand how incredibly awesome my weekend was, I dwelt on going home & loving my people. Loving them right where they were & serving them with a grateful heart for the privilege of being their wife & momma. I told myself there's always the next day to clean things up, but for today love my people. I will say this was probably the easiest transition to getting back to reality from a trip away & it had so much to do with not having unrealistic expectations, but focusing on what's most important. People, not stuff.

Thoughts about slowing down & thankfulness!!!

 I don't need to tell you how busy & chaotic life can be. You already know it because you're living it as well. Of course some days are busier than others, but all in all we live in a too fast paced society that needs to slow down. Much of that is to our own choosing but somethings just happen because of the day & age we live in. I think we need to be more deliberate about scheduling times with a friend to chat over coffee or tea, to relax & read a good book, to take a walk & breathe in the goodness of God's beautiful Creation.
 I have found the older I get I like to move slower in the mornings. Not just physically, haha, but mentally. I purposely moved furniture around this past weekend(with the help of Noah) so I could have a table & chairs on my front porch to enjoy my coffee on & do my devotions after dropping the kids off to school. I realize that not all mornings can or will go that way but the ones that do I thoroughly enjoy and am thankful for.
 I've also realized the older I get to take the time to find something to be thankful for no matter how hard or wonderful my day went. Somethings might even sound silly that we're thankful for, but I still think it's important to think on thankfulness instead of everything that didn't go the way we would've liked that day. For example during James' surgery I was thankful for the cute coffee stand at Akron Children's hospital. I could enjoy a white chocolate mocha as I waited to hear about James. During my foster kiddos visit with their family I sometimes walk around the thrift store next door & am thankful for cheap little treasures to brighten our home. Even more important than things are people. Awhile back I was emotionally in a hard situation about one of my kiddos. I made one phone call to my parents & they came to serve us & love on us. That is defiently something to be thankful for. This past Sunday Pastor Sam preached a sermon on the fear of the Lord. Wow, is an understatement. He was an open vessel for God to speak through. In all my years of life I had never heard the fear of the Lord explained in such a way that spoke such Truth to my heart. I am thankful that God's Word is still alive & shaping & molding our hearts regardless of our age.
So what will you choose to do this week to slow down? I'm heading to the library later to pick out another great book from Francine Rivers. Who will you schedule to have coffee or tea with just to chat & catch up? I really need to do this too. What will you find to be thankful for today, tomorrow & each day after that? Today I am thankful for you dear reader. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read what God has laid on my heart to share.

College & Diapers...And Everything In Between!!!

It's always interesting to see where we end up from where we start. Plans we have for our lives. Some of those plans coming into fruition, while other plans are put aside & forgotten. At this stage in my life I don't think I ever planned to have two kiddos heading to college & changing diapers still on another little kiddo in our home all in the same time period. I love how we can have our whole lives planned out and then...There's God!!! I remember the ache in my heart for the two kiddos we have living with us now when I heard they needed a home. Both were ages we were not considering(teenager & infant) at the time because of our current family dynamics. What in the world were we thinking starting all over again with bottles & diapers all along helping our oldest two apply to colleges, visit campuses and finish their high school years out well. To be honest there are still days I wonder what have I gotten myself into, but then... There's God!!! He gently prods my heart and reminds me about eternity. About how His ways & plans are so much better than anything I could ever think up for myself or my family. He reminds me "I get" to do this mom thing... What a blessing it is & what a roller coaster it is as well between 2 starting college(one moving out, one commuting), 2 playing football, 1 starting a new school(high school in that), 1 learning to walk, 1 having surgery next week, several appointments on top of appointments, 2 visiting bio families(which stirs up all kinds of emotions) & getting to celebrate 20 years of marriage this fall with my high school sweetheart & best friend! So maybe life has taken me on some different paths than I would've originally planned for myself or my family. But that's ok, because... There's God!!! I pray I always have an open & willing heart to put my agenda aside & let Him lead.

Trusting & Praising...Even in the Hard!

Sitting here in a small, dark hospital room while my beautiful blonde is getting an iv infusion for her chronic migraines. Yesterday we came through these same hospital doors as well, not only for her but also for my handsome fifteen year old son who recently found out he has a large tumor on his thyroid. After seeing a specialist and getting a biopsy done we were sent home to wait for the results. The Dr seemed optimistic regardless of how the biopsy turns out. For that I am thankful.
 It's kind of interesting how I am feeling about all this. I'm not a babbling mess & I actually feel like we're going to be just fine through all this. I credit that to my Heavenly Father. I believe that each thing we go through in life can also be a life lesson for us and help prepare us for things we may go through later in our life. I think if I would've never been faced with health challenges with my kids before this would've rocked my world more than it is. But with the challenges our family has already faced, I believe they've helped to prepare us for where we are today & how we approach this new journey we're being asked to walk down. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a very concerned momma & would do anything to protect my babies, but I have a deep feeling inside me that God's got this & we're going to be alright. My babies ultimately belong to Him & I just get the awesome privilege of being their momma.
My heart & desire through all this is that others would see Jesus in us. In how we talk, act, handle our new journey, etc... That doesn't mean that we have to have it all together or that we can't shed a tear. Jesus relied on His Heavenly Father and even sweated blood through His prayers. I want us to be real & realize we have no control over this but our Savior does. Trusting more & worrying less. Going before the throne room of God more & our minds racing in a thousand directions less. I've learned in life that sometimes the sweetest moments we have with the Lord can sometimes be when we're asked to go through some of the hardest times. Believe me, I'm not asking for hard times. But let's be honest. Hard times are going to come & for our family, hard times are here. So in the hard I want to thank Him. In the hard I want to praise Him. In the hard I want others to see Jesus in us & if they don't know Him my prayer is they'll want Him too.

Not just a birdhouse, but a HOME!!!

Love this quote! As I'm sharing this quote with you my sweet husband is in his workshop building something with our new little guy. I can hear them from afar and am excited to hear about their adventure from the heart of an eight year old little boy who has longed for these types of moments in his life. Someone to give him a chance and accept him for who he is, including his behaviors due to so much past traumas. This road of healing is not easy by far, but I am so thankful we can be a small part of showing Jesus' love to this little guy. That he can know that no matter what he faces in his life, he doesn't have to face it alone. They just came upstairs to show me the finished product and it was a birdhouse. He was so excited to show me. My husband shared with him about how God takes care of the sparrows and how he also takes care of us. They were able to be a part of God's plan by building a home for the sparrows just like we were a part of God's plan by providing a home for him. This is his home. Our home together!!!

Roles in our lives that God uses as an act of worship to Him!!!

During my devotions this morning God revealed Truth to my heart in a way that helped release some of the mental struggles I have been dealing with lately.
 In early January our family dynamics drastically changed when we opened our home to a young boy who has special needs. Going into this placement I felt pretty well prepared because of our past experiences and more recently our training through Empowered to Connect. All of which I will say has been very helpful. What I wasn't prepared for was the mental challenges I would face with trying to help this new child with all the struggles he has from past trauma and multiple placements. To be fair I will say that part of my mental challenges(exhaustion) is also from having other children in our home who have ongoing health issues who we see different doctors for. I will add in that even though it is exhausting at times I am thankful to have my children and be able to go to these appointments with them. Anyone who has several appointments every week can relate. Neurologists, sleep doctors, pediatricians, counselor, occupational therapist and now waiting to get into an endocrinologist for one of our kiddos. So when I add the new struggles our little guy is facing on top of all that my brain just wants to say, "hold up there, don't add anything else." One thing I have learned through the years that it is a very smart thing to ask for prayer and not feel like I need to face these challenges alone. Being vulnerable in putting myself out there for prayer or help is not always easy but it is necessary. It is also a beautiful picture of the body of Christ coming together and supporting each other. I have defiently felt the prayers of people praying. Just this morning I was reminded by a dear friend of her prayers through a text she sent me.
Back to what I was writing about earlier in God revealing Truth to my heart during my devotions this morning. In my Bible study this morning the passage was in John where Mary uses expensive oil to pour on Jesus' feet as an act of worship and in preparation for His burial.
John 12:3 "Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with fragrance of the perfume."  I have heard and read this passage probably several times before but today it held a different meaning for me. Through this the Lord revealed to me that my role as a wife to Nick and as a mother to all our children(regardless of how they got here) is an act of worship to Him. Specifically right now in my role as a mother to our new little guy as we try to help him through his various challenges & struggles. You might be thinking you should've already known that. Well knowing that(which I already did) and really letting it sink into your heart are two completely different things. My prayer is that as I serve and love on these precious people in my home I will be reminded that my service and love is ultimately an act of worship to the Lord. So when the days of frustration come I can be reminded that I serve an audience of ONE!!!
What does God have in your life right now that He is using as an act of worship to Him? I would love to hear about how He is working in your life.

Noises-An act of worship!

What do you define as a joyful noise? Birds chirping, children laughing, waves coming to the shore. Perhaps the voice of a loved one on the other end of your phone. Now what do you define as noise less joyful? Sirens blaring, people fighting, fingernails on a chalkboard. Perhaps the sound of something that repeats itself over & over again causing an annoyance. It's interesting how some noises can be joyful to one person & yet with that same noise it can be an annoyance to another. For instance hearing the sound of children laughing may be medicine to the soul for one person and grief to the heart for another who may have lost a child or aches for a child. Also how the sound of waves coming to shore can be relaxing to one person and scary to someone else who may have a fear of water. A lot of how we react to certain noises can be based off of our previous experiences in life.

This past week a lesson in how a noise is defined was different for people in our family. Our new little guy that has been living with us for less than a month struggles with being able to read well. I've noticed when we're at church and the worship songs are on the screen up front I will hear him make noises to go along with the songs, but it doesn't sound like he is singing the actual words. In the van the other night as our family was coming home from dinner our new little guy was trying to sing along to the song on the radio with "his noises." One of our other children at first thought he was messing around and just making annoying noises. It dawned on me that he was trying to sing the song with the way he knew how to sing it. If you don't know the words, then make up a tune or noise to go along with it anyways. Our other child was quick to understand and didn't say anything to him. God brought to my mind the verse from Psalm 100:1(KJV) Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. This got me thinking that even though we may not understand what our new little guy is singing when he worships in church, God does! God hears the sounds that come from his heart and I truly believe it is a beautiful act of worship unto the Lord. Makes me stop and examine my own heart and the noises that come forth from it. Are "my noises" a beautiful act of worship unto the Lord or am I more concerned with what others think of "my noises." Dear Jesus, may they be a beautiful act of worship unto You!!!!!!!